First off let me start off with a background story.
It was March 2007 when I met my boyfriend (R) and 2 months after that I found out the shock of my life- my father had died. With this happening a lot of things went south, my insurance became nonexistent and so when I ran out of my birth control in November I didn't even bother to get back on it. R and I continued on with our life together. Around March 5, 2008, I got pregnant. Yes, I knew going off birth control and not using condoms would lead to pregnancy and we wanted a child. So on December 15, 2008 my son was born. Everything went great. I had an appointment in January to go back on birth control but with all the hectics of moving and having a new baby it was forgotten about.
Fast Forward about 8 months, It is now November just after Thanksgiving, and all I could do was vomit. NOTHING settled my stomach, so I thought 'great, i got the flu.' This continued for about 6 days when finally it was so bad I decided I needed to attempt to get antibiotics so I made an appointment at the local health department and the day came to go. I called and said I would be running late and they said fine we will still see you come in. Well when I get there the receptionist said sorry since you were late we had to cancel your appointment, we got in an argument since I called ahead and blah blah blah. Well fine, I decided to go to the hospital, so I called R to let him know plans had changed. The nurse had me take a urine test and asked if I was pregnant and I said I doubt it we had been being careful after my first son was born. They said okay, but they scheduled an ultrasound to look at my ovary to see if there was a cyst on it since it was very painful.
Well here I am going to the ultrasound wondering what they are going to find (not thinking about being pregnant) and then the tech turns the screen to me and shows me. There is blood flowing to a baby, I was 7 weeks pregnant. I went into shock. I told her, "YOU'RE WRONG, that is not a baby!" even though common sense said otherwise. The tech I was at high risk for a miscarriage though (so I hate to say it but I wished for that to happen) and that I would be lucky if my body kept the baby.
Another few weeks pass, R disappears with my car and I found out he was involved in a hit and run due to drugs(another story). So here I am in a trailer about to be evicted with an 8month old and a little over 7 weeks pregnant, I decided to move in with my mom since she is my fall back support for anything. She attempts to convince me to have an abortion saying its not that bad but I told her I can't, its not something I can bring myself to do. All I kept thinking is "I CAN'T DO THIS; two in diapers, I can barely handle one in diapers." She told me that if I didn't have an abortion, then I need to place for adoption because she was not going to support me and both my kids.
So in comes the idea of adoption. I always told myself adoption is great for people who can't have kids but I would never give my child up for adoption and here I am making an adoption plan. Well the PAP's (Potential Adoptive Parents) were family I had. I found out they were looking to adopt a second child (they had previously adopted from Russia) and I asked them if they would consider a domestic adoption. They were extremely hesitant because international adoption guarantees a child, and domestic adoption doesn't. I had the pressure of REASSURING them I would not back out and that I was not ready to add a second child to my family yet.
So they finally got on board and I am about six months along. They provided all the paperwork through their lawyer, in comes parental termination papers for R and I had NO idea where he disappeared to and my options were to find him or post an ad in the local paper. I chose find him.
We (the pap's and I) traveled to South Carolina so he could sign the papers(Termination of Parental Rights). My due date was July 27, 2010 but it just so happens that baby didn't want to come that late and I went into labor on July 5, 2010 at 10am.
At 9:34pm, I gave birth to a 7lb 21in little boy. I didn't hold him first, I told the doctor to deliver the baby and give him DIRECTLY to the pap's (who were in the room). Anyways, it has been almost 3 years since this happened and I am now coming to terms with everything that happened. Sorry if this story seems out of order or rambling. This is the first time I told this to anyone outside of family.
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