Anniversary

Most people have happy memories of anniversaries because most are truly happy times. Anniversary of the wedding or of when your child was born. Well today marks the 6 year anniversary of my dad's passing. He was never sick or did anything crazy (unless  you consider practical jokes that make you pee your pants crazy..) but he was there. Always calling to check on me and seeing how I was doing. If I was happy, what my plans for the day/week/month/year were. Anything at all and everything he wanted to know about. I remember the last visit I had with him I drove six hours to Va to spend like 4 days there and he had to work but that didn't matter, he brought his 21 year old daughter to work with him.

Those are the days I miss when I am feeling reminiscent and nostalgic. I miss those moments that pass where I didn't have to say anything was wrong, but a card  came in the mail with a simple "thinking of you" or "My daughter, you have my heart and make me happy"

My first child's name came from him. I was adamant about that. I said the first boy I have will be named after him since he will never get to know this wonderful person who made my world complete and happy. And while there has been hard times since his passing with the adoption of my second child. There has also been good times.

2007 was actually the year that I never thought I would survive. It was the year of funerals. All except one was family. About every three months I was attending another funeral. There was a total of 5 funerals that year. Who can go through all of that and say I'll be okay. I think after the third one even the most patient, happy, understanding person would go a little crazy. Makes me wonder what "God" sees in doing that sometimes. I am not what you would consider a religious person. Nor am I a spiritual guide or someone who believes in reincarnation or what have you. I can honestly say I don't know what I believe. But I don't go bashing others for their faith in God or Buddha or anything else.

My dad I guess raised me Catholic but I personally would never claim that religion. It seems to uptight and stuffy. The least sympathetic of all the organized religions but this is just my opinion of my experience with it. After I moved to NC in 2000, I started experiencing different religions/spiritual practices but I still have yet to find what I am looking for. Who knows what will happen. I just hope to have peace in my heart with whatever struggle is going on.

This past week I have also had several people tell me that I am the most patient person they have ever met. I just smile and think when did that happen. Today, Melissa* messaged me on facebook to tell me they were coming to town this Friday. I am supposed to be working but I am hoping to get a call back with the manager saying he was able to switch my shifts. She wants to have a "private dinner" with just D and me along with C and her little family at a local restaurant. I am just hoping that everything works out and I can go. This will probably be the last time I see him before he leaves for Hawaii and possibly even more so since they will be out there til he about 6 years old. I don't know if they will be coming into the mainland for anytime during the summer or what may happen. But I am not trying to get my hopes up for anything.. I would much rather have low expectations than high ones. Thanks Adoption for teaching that..





(*Name changed to protect Identity.)